Stupendously stupid slideshow software

In preparation for Eliza's upcoming birthday, I've been working on assembling a video slide show of the past year of her life. You've surely seen the type - photos and video clips, with captions and smooth transitions between images, all set to music. Pretty commonplace and straightforward to create, right? WRONG. This project has been unbelievably troublesome and frustrating so far, and there's probably more to come since I'm not done with it yet.

My first attempt was to create the slide show using Picasa. All of our photos and video from the last year are already in Picasa, and it offers slide show creation as a feature, so why not give it a try?

We have video clips from four different sources:

• Our video camera produces HD video clips in .MOV format.


• Hannah's video camera produces HD video clips in .MOV format.


• My iPod Touch produces video clips in .MOV format.


• Heather's iPod Touch produces video clips in .MOV format.

Guess what format Picasa doesn't handle properly in the slide shows it generates?

That's right - while the .MOV files play just fine from within Picasa, when splicing them into a slideshow, the video file becomes just a single still frame in the slide show. Naturally Picasa doesn't give you any warning or error message about this, either - it successfully creates a new video file of the entire slide show; only when playing through this video can you see that that 30 second clip of Eliza taking her first bath at home has been replaced with a single blurry frame of the back of Heather's head.

Seriously? It's 2011, folks - I thought the whole incompatible audio/video file formats situation had long since been solved. I remember dealing with this kind of problem back in 1998, for goodness sake! The .mov format has been around a LONG time - this is like having a photo program that doesn't know how to handle .jpeg files or something.

It gets better - searching the Picasa user forums, this has been an issue for at least two years. I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but Google doesn't provide actual tech support, nor does it provide ANY way for you to actually get in touch with its employees. If you have a problem with a Google product, your options are:

1) Read whatever documentation pages Google has provided just in case it was user error or something. (It wasn't)

2) Check the Google user forums to see if others have seen the same problem (they have, for several years) and if anyone has managed to come up with a workaround (nothing definitive, but various solutions). Again, these are USER forums - all of the questions and answers are coming from people like you. No one from Google who actually knows anything actually reads these forums or replies to them. For all I can tell, Google might have no idea this bug even exists (how would you bring it to their attention, after all, since there's no way to contact them?).

So I found a couple of possible workaround ideas on the user forums. First - "Just rename them from .mov to .mp4 to fool Picasa, it handles .mp4 much better" - no luck. Second - "Install this megapack of third party video codecs from a dubious website" - hmm, well I think Heather's PC's antivirus software is up to date, so what the hey, let's try it - interesting, when I start creating the slideshow, about 40 little icons get added to the Windows side bar, but they go away when it's finished - hey look, the slide show now includes video clips - but not the associated audio. Oh well, it's not like it would be nice to HEAR Eliza giggling at her Pops or anything...

At the same time, I was also getting frustrated with other limitations in Picasa's slide show creation - most notably, the fact that all of the picture captions were rendered in white text, regardless of the background color. White text on a pale grey background doesn't exactly make for readability.

So surely this is just a matter of Picasa's slide show functionality being an afterthought - Picasa is after all primarily an application for image importing, retouching, and organizing - and some other program would be much better? I did some searching online and found some sites that spoke highly of the Windows Movie Maker program, which is free with Windows. Surely a "Movie Maker" program would have all of the necessary functionality to make home movies with, right?

So, not having learned my lesson, viz., that free applications are often worth what you paid for them, I began trying to recreate the slide show in Windows Movie Maker. First problem? You guessed it - Windows Movie Maker doesn't natively support .MOV either. @#^#$^%#%!!%#^%$^#$$$$!!!! How can it be that three different models of consumer video camera output this format, yet neither of these apps supports it?

Time to do some more web searching. Oh look - here's a free program, with lots of glowing reviews, that can convert between many different video formats, including from .MOV to the .avi or .wmv formats that Movie Maker prefers. So I download it and feed the video clips into it. Ooh, nice GUI, very polished looking. It runs for 15 minutes or so and produces a batch of .avi files, just what I needed! Only not. I open the files and the video within is complete garbage, just a mosaic of randomly colored squares and shapes. Apparently this app doesn't like my video files. Why did it run to completion producing garbage instead of giving me a simple warning message that the format wasn't supported?

Time to do some more web searching. All of these video clips use the H.264 codec, which is not specific to .MOV versus .avi - .mov and .avi are just two different kinds of containers for the actual video data within. Maybe there's some way I can use that? I stumble across a site that provides a simple plugin to allow programs that can read .avi to read the video data out .mov files too. I install it and it actually works - Movie Maker can see and play my videos! The one caveat (which nothing on the site warned about) is that videos played through this plugin have a little badge (sort of like a TV station identification logo) superimposed on them. Ah well, at least it's pretty unobtrusive...

Okay, I've got all of the pictures and all of the video clips loaded into Movie Maker. Let's try constructing a test video to make sure it's all working - I don't want any more surprises with clips turning into stills or disappearing audio! I tell the program to publish the video. It starts a progress bar, showing that it'll take about an hour to render. I leave it alone, checking back periodically on its progress. It finally finishes - but what's this message?

Windows Movie Maker cannot publish the movie to the specified location. Verify the original source files used in your movie is still available, that the publishing location is still available, that there is enough free disk space available, and then try again.

What.

Time to do more web searching. Apparently this error, too, is a frequently encountered issue, and naturally, no one seems quite sure what the trigger or triggers are. Possibilities include not enough RAM (Heather's computer has 4 GB, which should be enough for a 20-minute video!), not enough disk space (unlikely, there's 60+ GB free), incompatible codecs or file types (hmm, perhaps?), or perhaps just that the project is "too complicated" for Movie Maker to handle (maybe also...). After some further investigation, it appears that the latter is to blame. By splitting the project in half, each half is able to render successfully. Supposedly it will then be simple to just splice the two halves back together to create the final video... I haven't tried yet, but I'm trying to be optimistic that it will really be that simple.

If you're still reading this, my apologies. I just had to get this off my chest. I do really like how the video is coming along - it won't be a professional production, and there's always going to be room for improvement, but I really do think the end result will be fun to watch and will be a good summation of the high points of the last year. Hopefully it'll be done soon!