The strangest things

I've been having an insane flux of emotions lately. Usually it's the strangest little things that set off my reactions. Since we've been getting Eliza's car seat and stroller together, I can't even think about putting her in it without getting choked up. I guess it's the contrast of her being in the hospital, attached to so many lines, not stable enough to be picked up... and now to put our little girl her in a carseat and whisk her home. The thought overwhelms me with happiness. :)

In contrast to that, getting ready to bring home only highlights the fact that we are bringing ONE baby home. We only need to get one carseat installed in the car, we still need to find a home for the triple stroller that is currently residing in our shed, and I'm constantly struggling with whether to get rid of boy stuff that was for Oliver or keep it.

We have to "room in" with Eliza at the hospital to make sure we are comfortable taking care of her. I'm not entirely sure why since I'm always at the hospital doing everything for her during the day. I guess it's to test if you can do the same things without sleep. :) The rooms we have to stay in are the same ones they whisked us into when Oliver and Charlotte were very sick and dying. It's another test in combining the sad and happy I suppose.

One thing I have noticed is just how READY I feel for taking her home. Haven't I always been ready for this? Nope, definitely not. I was well aware that she was exactly where she needed to be. She needed much more than her mom and dad could provide and I was thankful she was getting it. But NOW things are different, I feel like she is ready (trustworthy!) and that we are prepared to look after her. Of course, I am well aware that this could change as soon as we disconnect the monitor and take her away from all of the easily available medical help. But at least now I am OK with the thought of disconnecting the monitor. :)

I actually have hope and expectations that she is actually coming home.  I am letting the joy actually sink in and spread for maybe the first time since we began this journey. There have been some significant happy milestones along the way but in order to protect ourselves from the next disappointment or devastation we haven't been able to really feel them. Everything is always day to day with no promise of what tomorrow will hold. This is true for all of life but with babies in the NICU it has been magnified. For once I see a future and can greet it with a smile. I can acknowledge others' happiness for Eliza's progress and agree! I don't feel the same need to qualify the "Hooray!" with a "But".

So... Hooray!!! Good days. :)