Eliza keeps me going, that I know for sure.
When we first had the babies, walking into the Intensive Care Nursery was so hard and completely overwhelming. I didn't know what to do with myself. Looking at them, I felt responsible for everything they were having to fight through and all of their battles made me angry. Angry at myself for not being able to keep them in longer and angry that no matter what, we ended up on the wrong side of the percentages. I could only stand by their isolettes for short periods of time before having to take a break. During the doctors' rounds, the lists of problems that each of the babies had completely overwhelmed me, along with all of the numbers and acronyms.
These days one of us spends all day sitting by Eliza's isolette. The list of conditions during the doctors' rounds make sense to us now and the numbers help us to understand how she is doing. Now, I hate to miss rounds since it's where we get all of the facts versus someone else's interpretation of how she is doing. I know more people, and how they relate to Eliza's care. I know more about what we can expect, and if we don't get it, who to ask. We know which beeps are important and which are just annoying. It's amazing how these little things make you feel better and a little more in control. Her medical team (at least the consistent ones) have come to realize that Glenn and I want specific information and don't want things dumbed down for us. We are beginning to form relationships and speak using jargon we'd never heard 6 weeks ago. It's been a hell of an education so far and I know we have a lot more to go. It's one I would have been happy to have never experienced but you do what you gotta do, right? :)
Eliza's tiny foot in my mom's hand while she helps the nurse.
I know only a fraction of what you're going through, and it continues to tear at my heart. I've felt the same anger and sense of guilt, and it does no good for anyone. You and Glenn have been amazing at continuing to love and support your children through their struggles while continuing to deal with your own pain.
ReplyDeleteI think, when people ask how you're doing, you've explained it here perfectly. You have your ups and downs, and you're learning a lot of stuff you never thought you'd learn. *s*
Continued love and prayers,
Lissa
I think about you and pray for you with my husband every day. You are a strong family! I love you!
ReplyDeleteKel
Just know that Jaime & I are thinking of you both and praying for you daily. I can't fathom what you're going through, but I can say that a lot of tears have been shed in this household for the pain you're going through. Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing. We love you guys!
ReplyDeleteMichael
She is absolutely beautiful! I think of you all and pray for you each and every day. I can't imagine everything you are going through and admire you for how strong you have been. Please keep us posted on Eliza's progress. She is such a strong little girl.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard this has been for you, and we continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers. You are all so strong and she is a lucky girl to have such caring and loving parents.
ReplyDeleteBecky
Heather, Glenn, and Eliza,
ReplyDeletePlease know that we love you and pray for you! Eliza is such a fighter. I blew her picture up so I could see her face better and wow! She is beautiful and I just felt I could feel her when I looked into her eyes. I think she has the spirit of a fighter and will have wisdom beyond her years. I hope to get to see you again soon and see you hold your sweet baby girl. I will never forget seeing you hold her for the first time and I will always count that day as a blessing in my life. I also want to say that even though Wayne and I never got to meet Oliver or Charlotte we will always love them.